Tuesday, July 19, 2011


As I've been writing this blog, I have been aware that I don't use male pronouns. This has not been in the disrespect of my child or to anyone reading this. M is well aware of the fact that this is a hurdle that I have yet to leap. I'm fortunate that I have an understanding child, and that through counseling, we've both been made aware of what we are able to take in. Using female pronouns is my way of not letting go of the daughter that I still see sometimes. It may be selfish, but it's the last thing I have that I'm grasping onto. You know when you're fighting in a tug-of-war with something, and you picture all 10 fingers holding firm to whatever it is you're trying to grasp? I'm still doing that. But it's not w/ 10 fingers anymore. It's with maybe 6, 7, or 8. It's been through the support of my followers and other friends, who DO use the male pronouns when they are talking to or about M, that I have been able to start letting go. I am envious of the parents that I read about that were accepting from the beginning. I wish I had felt that way, and I am learning from them and others.
To those who have taken offense, I still need you to comment and help me through this transition to full acceptance. That may mean that you will still cringe or be upset when I say "she". I'm too empathic not to know that my female pronouns may affect others' feelings, but this blog is for my processing more than M's. Stick with me. I am selfish, but I also adore and am very much in love with who M is becoming. But it's a huge contrast to the baby pics of pink and ribbons that are hanging on my bedroom wall-which, by the way, was a compromise between us. M doesn't want the "girl" pics in a public part of the house.

I do ask the trans-gender community how you or your families have dealt with things as simple as pictures. Will M start accepting the past as the metamorphosis (thx HC84 for that term-I love it) gets stronger?

Love, Gretchen


  1. I didn't read this post until after I just read and commented on the previous one. I'll let my words from that post speak for themselves. You're on the right track. Don't let anyone get in that way. And by all means, keep processing all this stuff out on your blog! You'll be glad you did when you go back and reread what you've written! Blessings!

  2. My parents are struggling terribly with this (me changing sex), they want little to do with it and there has grown a distance between us which saddens me greatly. The thing with pronouns for me is, if you don't mean it, I'd rather you not use them (the ones I feel are correct). When you feel they are the right ones for M, when that comes from your heart, when it is natural,That is when it matters.

    Keep strong mum, you're doing good.

    I hope you're well

  3. I am a trans-woman who raised two wonderful children and I have tried to think of pronouns as instinctual reflexes that are not entirely in our control. Whether someone chooses to address me as - sir, madame, she, he, Dad, Mom, Miss, etc. is beyond my control. What truly matters to me is the respect that people address me with.
    My children are my world. I can not imagine treating them other than the unique and precious people that they are.
    I understand how hard it is to let go of the thoughts and dreams we have of our children. I believe our children will surpass our expectations, even when we are incapable of upstanding their potential.
    I hope we can live in a world were He or She truly does not matter.

  4. One thing is support and another is semantics. And support = love and understanding. Understanding is a journey, and you may not be as far down the path as others (or your child). But that you are already on this journey is the most important thing, and it's what really counts, in my opinion.

    I wish you and your child all the best!