Today was the day we went to the gender therapist. S/he definitely has what is called gender identity disorder, which, I really don't feel is a disorder. I know it's who she is.
What freaked me out is that the doc, when talking about her, said his, him, he...out of respect for her patient, obviously, and it was really tough to hear, but at the same time, it was a relief. Does that make sense? I think it's because I now am accepting that this is for real.
I think it's hard in some respects, though, because I still see the girl in many ways. The way she calls me mommy (you know, the manipulative way when they want something), or just some of the neediness that is part of a daughter, not a son. I'm really tired and at a loss for words. Today was a lot to take in, and then when M was going to the HP opener (which isn't even open here yet, as it's 11pm PDT) and couldn't figure out how to catch the bus there, I about lost it. I know something as little as that doesn't make sense, but it was a pain for me today. PMS anyone?? So, on that note, I turned on the radio on the way home and found this song. Put me in a great mood, and made me quite happy!!
I'm just now getting to your blog and have some catching up to do. I will say this concerning this new journey with your child - Always remember to: REACH UP (to God, seek Him in prayer, and know He's got a plan for your life and is faithful.) REACH IN (in to yourself, knowing that you can do all things through Him who strengthens you.), then REACH OUT ( to your child, to those around you who don't understand, and to those close friends or family who are your precious support system).
ReplyDeleteSo glad to read how you already seem to understand the situation (I hate the term disorder too, and I expect that type of language to be changed in a few years).
Thanks Lori! You truly are an inspiration.
ReplyDeleteI'm an FtM. I transitioned as an adult but I hear my parents in much of what you say. If I may:
ReplyDeleteThe less time you're in "losing a daughter" mode the better for you both. It's a metamorphosis, not a death. Your child is still very much with you, and can use all the help & love you can spare.
This is an opportunity to let go of gender binary thinking, i.e., "girls do this, boys do that." The (false) gender binary's part of the problem. Enough folks in your kid's life will think they have the right to comment on this stuff; you don't need to be one of them. I always say, "Real men don't let other people tell them how to be men." :-)
It's really an awesome process to behold if you can let it happen. Good luck & stay strong!
My dear loving parent: First, if you find you would like to speak with a disinterested 3rd person, and if you have FaceBook, my profile page is Leynda J. P. Erwin. My contact information is there. And yes, I would be honored to be counted one of those you may talk with.
ReplyDeleteI happen to be intersex, and possibly a victim of infant genital surgery (read mutilation), and I'm having to follow the "Benjamins" just to get the help I need, so I have become an advocate for those with no voice.
Based on all that I've read to date, I believe you are indeed doing the best you can for your son, and I do applaud you your efforts to learn all you can. There will be those who think they have the right to judge him, and disparage him, but I think you have taught him well how to remain strong, think around the "haters" of the world, and live authentically. Though we are of different faiths, we hold to the 1st Law - LOVE - even when we would really like to give a piece of our mind to the motormouth. A piece they aren't worthy of receiving. That energy we gift to those who truly need it, to help keep them positive. Stay strong, dear woman, and know our respective Deities applaud our very positive human efforts to love. Pax, Leynda
HC84-Thanks for the death v. metamorphosis reference. I hope that you're well, and I will definitely be seeing changes in my thinking by hearing what you have to say.
ReplyDeleteLeynda, thank you for your kind words. I hope that you get all the support you need.
I'm very much in love with my kid. I have yet to grasp many things, but I do know love!
Thank you all for your support!