Sometimes I work with high school kids. High school boys have a loyal following to Axe body products. Deodorants, aftershave, body wash. Somehow, the girls love the smell, so the boy thinks that the more he puts on, the more girls will be turned on.....I guess. Anyway, the other day, we were in the drugstore, and all of a sudden "Mom, I want to get Axe deodorant" was heard out of the mouth of my child. Needless to say, I had a tough time with this. Axe is for boys. That's what my child (obviously) thinks she is, which is fine. I've let her shop in the men's departments since she was 10, and now she wants to make the shift over to men's deodorant. Not sure what I think of that.
You may think that it's trivial, but it's hard. I'm losing a daughter when I say yes to each masculine thing that she wants. As much as I am relieved about all this, and that I can joke at some level, I am still hurting that I'm losing a daughter---the hope that she will wear a wedding dress to her wedding, or want children someday. And if you think she's too young to make this decision, well, I thought so, too, but if I really, REALLY think about it, this decision was made a VERY long time ago. I sometimes still hold my breath. I see the mother instinct she has toward children, but I know that she wouldn't put up with them for long, but that's about it. She's always been different.
But I'm not ready to buy her Axe.
Bless your heart for supporting your child! The first thing that comes to mind is the following: My sister had always wanted a "girl". She had three boys and never a girl. When my now former wife was pregnant, I had only one wish: that I have a healthy child. I realized that gender is only one of many characteristics that constitute outward appearance and that "requesting" a boy or girl was not much different than ordering a hamburger "my way".
ReplyDeleteThis has not changed. Perspective can serve to skew or it can serve to bring focus. I sincerely believe dear that if you look at your child from the perspective that all visible characteristics are merely attributes...that the soul/inner being/essence transcends all attributes, even gender, you will realize that he is and always will be the most precious gift that all children are! I have written a lengthy piece where I go to great lengths to explain the transgender experience http://wp.me/pnQPn-1l (tranSENDgender.wordpress.com) It is my deep desire that this is helpful!
Luv,
Dee Omally
A transgender female with pride