Saturday, November 5, 2011

Narcissism (is that even spelled right?)

I sat one day wondering why I haven't been writing. I've really had a writer's block about this, but I found that I took a lot of time checking my blog for stats and comments. I started realizing that it was a little selfish and narcissistic of me. Well, I still will probably do that, but I do enjoy the comments and opinions I do get. I think I also was having a tough time with negative comments. However, I sat up one day thinking "HEY! What do you expect? Get over it!" So I am.
Tonight I'm meeting a lady who is a devout Christian woman whose son is gay. He came out in the early 90s and she says "before the parents would ever consider "coming out" to anyone in church". She has a friend who has a trans son who, with the help of friends, has finally reconciled the relationship they lost 10 years ago. I'm interested to hear these stories. One, because I know that the ways I think are different than the way the mainstream church, and also because I would love to know how reconciliation happened.
Now that I'm more open to people about what's going on, I've found that some people look at me with pity or tell me how sorry they are. It feels really weird because I don't feel remorse for it because I see a happier person, and since I'm somewhat co-dependent, it makes a happier household. However, these things still give me doubts about whether or not I'm trusting God enough, or if M has enough trust in Him. It's tiring sometimes. I wish that I could just be happy about how I worship God and what I believe His principles meant, and not everyone else's thoughts on it all.
Wow. That was heavy on my heart today.

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