Rolling with the punches

I have been working in a temporary position for five months now. One thing I know is that they aren't going to hire me.  However, yesterday, when I was helping my supervisor with resumes (I honestly hate this job so much that I'm helping with resumes), and specifically asked, "what is the biggest strength you want?" She replies "hee hee--they have to be an awesome scheduler." Now, I know I suck at schedules. I pity the poor people who got scheduled incorrectly under my watch. I KNOW I have done the very best I can to schedule people, and sometimes I have a rigid spine, and sometimes it turns to jelly, but it still stings when, in not so many words, I am told that I suck at my job in the most important way. Now, by the age of 40, I dreamed that I would have this awesome backbone that was rigid and tough, and no one would be able to shatter me. HA! At 40 I'm far from that, but one thing I found I AM good at is rolling with the punches, for the most part.

When Owen came out, I was concerned about what other people thought, how they would react, whether I would be friends with them again, and all the things that I used to deem important. You find out really quick how unimportant that can be. I know that I have re-hashed this story many times, but I really honestly think that, if it wasn't for Owen, I would not have changed as much as into the person that I needed to be. Yes, I still wonder what others think, and I will always be concerned about the crime rate among LGBTQ people, but the wondering about things is wondering, not CARING, and the fact that I have a person who I get to see blossom in so many ways, makes me happy. And, do you know what? Most of my friends who I had to tell are STILL my friends. Some don't understand, some do, but they are still friends who love the person that is Owen. It is through them, along with my new friends, that I learned how to figure this whole thing out! Now to just get the job I want. :)

Hi all! I've missed writing. I forget how therapeutic blogging/journaling can be until I start writing. Right now Owen is feeling stressed. We don't have a lot of money, and top surgery is becoming a very necessary thing at this point. Please give us any prayers and advice to fundraising that you may know of. When I say fundraising, I mean, what do people like? Can I make jewelry and turn a profit in my (what?) spare time? Any ideas? Thank you for sticking with me! Gretchen

Who?

Hi Everyone. I wanted to stop by. I realize how important it is to blog once in a while. I've made some changes this past few months. I haven't checked, but I think I mentioned that I'm unemployed the last time I was on here. I'm searching for a job desperately. The best note, though, is I realize that sisters forgive. I used to write scathing blogs about my sister. She did not deserve that. I realized that she has been one of my biggest supporters regarding Owen's transition, yet I assumed her to be the biggest judge. So, this past few months have been one of me healing my heart of its bitterness and moving forward. It feels sooooooo good. Still writing my book, and I'm going to school, too. In the midst of all that, I still found time to have a boyfriend. So weird. I hope that, if you have stuck with me, that you're well. Take a moment to say hi! I would love to hear from you!

Hi All! I have the good fortune of living in Seattle, so I was able to go to the Seattle Gender Odyssey Conference that was held this weekend. If you went, I want you to comment and let me know how you liked it! I know that I've been lax about posting, and I usually gave you a reason, but I just wanted to stop by. I'm working on a paper for my Psych class right now, so I'm taking a break. I think it helps to go to another topic in order to re-group. The conference was great, and it really educated me in many ways. It's nice to go to a place where you have a common ground. There are some things that I realized about myself while I was there that were both surprising and informative, yet I'm glad that they are there, and I'm not getting into them today. It's not the reason for this exercise. The reason for this exercise is that I tend to really hate Facebook right now. So much stuff that I don't like. Politics, hate stuff. UGH. But I did find this on there. I commented on it that there are days where I question myself, so this was nice to wake up to. The nice thing about conferences and education on this stuff is I can say that what bad parenting techniques I DID have had nothing to do with how my son turned out. It's not something I DIDN'T know, it's just a good reinforcement. I do wonder something, though, as I was looking at a FB friend who I really don't talk to a lot. Do you ever see people in pictures or something and wonder if they're hiding something, or are sinister in some way (I ask that because I see that)? If he is, whatever that may be, and he doesn't act it out, does that make him a better person than my son, who is "sinning" by being a gay male? I ask that because he is very much against anything LGBTQ. Just wondering. I would love your thoughts. PLEASE! I KNOW YOU READ THIS! :D

Brave

Last night, my friend Anne and I went and saw the movie "Brave". I'm not one who goes to see cartoons/Pixar movies much anymore, but I love anything Scottish, and a free-thinking girl in the time of the Highlander is right up my alley. If you've seen Brave, you may know where I'm going with this. The rest is spoiler if you haven't. It's about a Princess who has to choose a husband, yet doesn't feel ready for marriage. Her mother, who is all about tradition, and her argue. She goes to a witch who puts a spell on her mom and mom turns into a bear! Needless to say, it's a really great "Freaky Friday"ish type movie..... And I sobbed. For the first time in a long time, I missed my DAUGHTER. Whether it was the idea of it or what, I don't know, but my sentimentality was in full force. There are so many things that I don't understand when it comes to mother/daughter relationships, because ours was never a "typical" one, but I now know why. It truly was a mother/son relationship forever. Yet, there are things. Little things that I still miss that are no longer there, but at the same time, so many new things that are. I know it's been a while. It may be a while before I come writing back, but I'm glad this is here for when I really need it, like right now I'm experiencing 2nd puberty. And THIS is how it's supposed to be! Seriously, I'm really glad that he's older, b/c if he was any younger, he'd be outta control! But, the funny thing is, I LIKE IT!

Hiatus

Hi!

Because I really need to find a new outlet besides blogging (which, I'm sorry I haven't been doing lately), I'm putting this on hold for awhile. I thank you all for your support throughout the year.

I will come by from time to time, but for now, I need to use a pen. I find that writing w/ my pen seems to be a better outlet. Maybe I will even post the paper. Who knows?

Time's coming

I'm sort of in a state of....not sure. Numbness in some respects. More than likely, T will start late March, early April. It's funny to tell my friend that the hold up is that HE needs a PAP smear and can't get it till March 13.

We have a great Naturopath who wants a baseline for everything, including a pap smear and all fasting labs. Things are starting to be so real now. It's weird and hard. Hard because Owen will become a male--thicker blood, higher LDLs, different fat distribution that can be a higher heart attack rate. It's all very scary for me.

Sometimes I feel that I'm coddling and not letting him do enough of the legwork. I really hope that he's ready for this.